CESSPOOL'S JORGE JOHNSON INTERVIEWS DOT-COM BILLIONAIRE STEVE RITCH Steve Ritch used to be a loser. He still is, but now he's got $325 million and some top-of-the-line prostitutes... READ MORE FASHION STATEMENTS Lose the bell-bottoms. Forget the heroin chic. Ditch the tinted cocaine glasses. The next big thing is wearing your underwear on the outside of your pants, says designer Lorentz Flemmiani... READ MORE LOCAL ARTIST PAINTS PICTURES WITH BLOODY STUMP OF A HAND Call Martin Ross an optimist. He isn't what you might call a conventional painter, nor is he what you might call a conventional human. You see, last year, when he was undergoing therapy for a broken wrist, something peculiar happened. Something so mind-boggling and miraculous that every event in the history of mankind pales in comparison... READ MORE "I SMELL A FORTUNE IN THE RAT POISON INDUSTRY" Allegations of insider trading in the much-celebrated rat-poison market may indicate that the $700 billion a year industry isn't anything to grin about after all. However, recent developments in the trade are promising fast cash to young entrepreneurs who dare to stare debilitating terminal diseases in the face..." READ MORE EDITORIAL: CULTURE-SHOCK Okay, so I'm from Mongolia. Sue me. No, I was just being facetious. You Americans are all alike. Puerile fools... READ MORE

RESIDENTS AT A BERKELEY CO-OP WERE ANGRY AND DISTRESSED WHEN THEY FOUND THIS SIGN POSTED OUTSIDE THEIR POOL... READ MORE TALKING BARNABY SAMPSON BLUES At only 23 years of age, television's Barnaby Sampson is preparing for retirement. The attractive young actor and media giant has been described by critics and audiences alike as a genius whose unrivaled talents have changed the art forever. Understandably, Sampson is a bit cocky. "I will go down in history as one of the greatest actors in history," he remarked as we were drinking in his 1972 Monte Carlo, parked outsided his ex-girlfriend's house... READ MORE LOSER STARTS GUN CLUB When fourth year student at Chico State Stanley Radcliffe started the Student Gun Union (SGU), his efforts were met by his peers with a mixture of contempt and ridicule. But they aren't laughing anymore... READ MORE