After several years of fashionable "slumming," indie-rock culture has now officially hit the skids as crack becomes the most popular drug of choice amongst disaffected post-adolescents aged 20-45. Over the years, indie-rock has seen its ups and downs in terms of its cultural statements, many of which were born out of the economic frustration and poverty of rich suburbanite life. For many years, it was not socially acceptable to enter a swank rent party without wielding a Pabst Blue Ribbon or a neon slap bracelet.

Now, with a lifetime of ironic achievement behind them, indie-rockers have decided to take the ultimate plunge into the icy depths of irony by freebasing crack cocaine, openly and without any overt sense of shame. The decision to begin this most courageous of descents was made on the drunken night of August 4th, 2004 by one Jared K. Mueller, of Brooklyn, New York. At an independent-rock event staged in the house of a local "zine" publisher, Mueller was said to be sitting the corner "looking all dissatisfied." It later became apparent that the PBR, ironic ties, armbands, and Faint records weren't cutting it anymore. After putting out a cigarette in a young goth's face, he stood up and announced that it was time to take it to the next level. Mueller promptly stepped out and returned with a glass stem and a rather large rock of crack-cocaine that he had purchased from a kindly street vendor.

The rest is history. Soon, everyone at the party was enjoying the delights of the new and wonderful narcotic, whose amazing powers were only previously imagined. A young blogger soon slapped together a press release that night, and uploaded it onto his indie blog, SuperChad's Twilight Sentinel, and the craze swept the country.

A indie-rocker no less than the mighty Jack White of the White Stripes has publicly advocated the health benefits of crack in the September issue of Rolling Stone. "I also do it," he remarked to RS correspondent Josh Rondelle, "to be seen."