"I'm really not a very good singer," offered former Smiths singer Morrissey in a candid interview with the BBC on Tuesday. "From a very young age, I planned my success around a moroseness and exaggerated melancholy that at the time, I was certain would capture a certain market. In retrospect, it seems rather silly, but somehow, it worked."

The statements came as a shock to rabid Smiths fans who after hearing the news ran shirtless into Manchester streets, denouncing the comments and throwing Molotov cocktails at cars and pedestrians.

"This is mad," stated an insurgent calling himself Kaiser, as he launched rocket-propelled grenades at an 18th century church. "Morrissey is a fookin' God. His self-effacement got England through the fookin' Thatcher era, fookin', fookin', misery is all we had then, isn't it?"

Another vigilante, Nancy Willoughby, shared Kaiser's outrage. "It just isn't right, I mean, who is this Morrissey fellow to be criticizing a legend, a groundbreaking musician who's a bleedin' cultural icon? You can't just fire off assaults like this in the tabloids and expect it all to be well and dandy." Willoughby's comments seemed to strike a chord with protestors, who cried "Death to Morrissey" as a large poster of the rock star went up in flames.

With no end to the destruction in sight, Manchester's Chief Minister of Urban Development has declared a state of emergency, while rioting and looting continue unabated. Manchester police are already estimating the damage caused by the celebrity's comments at £3.5 million.

At press time, Morrissey was absconding at an undisclosed location off the coast of South America, but remained unapologetic about his views on Morrissey. "No one is more shocked [about success] than me," he whispered from under a cardboard box in an abandoned warehouse. "I've never had much in the way of musical talent, really."