a = alex (actually Alvin Lan, an alex lookalike) |
THE PROPHET
Alvin Lan was a CEO of a small textiles firm when his grandmother became gravely ill from colitis. That was when he was introduced to the teachings of Alex Chiu. After his grandmother's swift recovery using Alex's immortality rings, Alvin was intrigued, and dedicated himself to the study of Alex's World Corporation Theory. After many years, he declared himself a prophet, and traveled the world to spread his teachings. |
THE SKEPTIC
William Cox is a high-school dropout from Bakersfield. In order to stave off finding a job, he proptly joined the reserves, a decision he regrets daily. William has a hard time believing what anyone says, after being continually lied to by his parents, his teachers, and finally the United States government. A self-described skeptic, William spends his days smoking marijuana and selling crank to his fellow reservists. |
w: Out of my way! I'm late for reveille. |
a: You're an enlisted man? |
w: I wish. I'm a reserve officer, and now I'm being shipped off to war. |
a: What If I told you about a world without war? |
w: No way man. You're crazy. |
w: I thought about what you were saying, and I decided that I want to hear more about a world without war. |
a: Me too, because there's no more need for legions of healthy young men like you to come home with severed limbs and multiple stab wounds to the face. |
w: Gee, I wish I had listened to you before. |
w: So why don't you tell me about your amazing plan for world peace. |
a: It's so simple, I can say it in five words: World Corporation equals World Peace. |
w: That's it? Two of those words are the same, you silly goose. |
a: It doesn't matter, friend. The important thing is that eventually world reality will manifest itself in ideals of a wonderful entity known as the World Corporation. This cosmic transition will usher in a new era of global peace and understanding. |
w: That sounds like new age mumbo jumbo. Are you sure about this? |
a: Yes, the signs are all around us, if you look hard enough. |
w: So what is this all about? What is the World corporation? |
a: Friend, did you know that no two countries with McDonalds have ever fought each other? |
w: I didn't know that! What about Burger Kings? |
a: Well, Burger King isn't considered a real restaurant according to food safety guidelines mandated by the USDA, so we have no hard statistics about that. |
w: Oh. So tell me more about how why fast food nations have never battled. |
a: Well, it will take a leap of faith for you to understand fully. But don't worry, we will answer all your questions. |
a: First, let me ask you: why do you suppose that countries with McDonald's have never fought? |
w: Hmmm. Because there are enough McNuggets to go around? |
a: Ha ha ha! That's not so far from the truth. You see, wars are expensive. It simply isn't profitable to run a war unless you are a winner. And if you already control everything... |
w: Then there's no reason to fight! |
a: That's right. Now you're getting the hang of it. |
w: But Alvin, just because a particular paradigm has held true in the past does not guarantee that it will be indicative of events in the future. |
a: This is true. However... |
w: After all, the chain known as McDonald's first launched only 50 years ago. That's a very short time in a global historical perspective. And what with an increasingly industrialized economy stifling traditionally agrarian markets... |
w: It's only time before a backlash occurs with the have-nots in developing and even currently first-world nations. Furthermore, given that most agricultural commodities and high-end consumer goods... |
a: You have some good points, friend. But for now let me just say that there will no longer be a need for such struggle between differing levels of social strata. |
a: Because World Corporation will make such bickering obsolete. |
a: How do you get people to do things in the real world, friend? |
a: No, no, before you get there. |
w: Threats of violence? Poisoning people? |
a: Sometimes that works, yes, but think for a moment. Let's pretend we're talking about cars. |
a: As fuel gets increasingly rare, how do we get people to use less of it? |
a: That's right, we raise the price. |
w: Oh yeah, I get it now. |
a: To make a particular behavioral pattern socially untenable, the easiest approach is to make it financially unsound! |
w: Yeah, that makes sense. Wait, what does "financially" mean again? |
a: So how do we stop wars? |
a: No, you're using conditioned thought patterns again. Think about what I said a minute ago about how we can curb certain behaviors by making them financially unsound. |
w: (pause) to... stop.. wars... we must... (long pause) MAKE FIGHTING FINANCIALLY UNSOUND! |
a: Right! And how would we do that? |
w: Wow. it seems so simple! World Corporation equals World Peace! |
a: It is simple. And what's more, World Corporation will ensure your safety and security in an increasingly hostile and unpredictable world. |
w: That's really swell. I don't know what I would do without World Corporation. |
a: Don't get too excited just yet, my friend. World Corporation still doesn't exist. |
w: Huh? What do you mean it doesn't exist? You mean it's only theoretical? Like... communism? |
a: Shhh. Careful with that word, friend. You wouldn't want anyone to overhear and get the wrong idea. |
w: Yeah, you're right. Sorry. |
a: No problem. Just be more careful in the future. Let's get back to the World Corporation, okay? |
w: Okay. So if World Corporation doesn't exist, what are we supposed to do? |
a: Well, we'll need to start it. |
w: Start it? Oh man, I don't know anything about business entrepreneurship and/or seeding grassroots political movements. |
a: Well, for this project, we'll need both, and lots. |
a: Hmmm. Eventually we'll need to create an underground doppelganger government that shadows the movements of the real federal government... |
w: Wow. That sounds like a lot of work. |
a: It is. But ask yourself, friend, do you want to be a hero, and save others like yourself who go to unnecessary wars and end up horribly disfigured monsters? |
w: Gee, I guess when you put it that way... |
a: But the voyage of a 1000 miles begins with one step, as they say. The first thing you should do is stop paying your taxes. |
w: But aren't taxes what the government needs to run? |
a: Exactly. The government is the biggest obstacle in realizing the goals of the World Corporation. But if no one paid their taxes... |
w: The government wouldn't have any money! |
a: And that would take care of the initial hurdles, and then we can... |
w: But isn't this wrong? People could get hurt. |
a: Truth is relative, my friend. Yes, it's WRONG to overthrow the government if you don't have a good reason. |
a: But we have a good reason. We have a GREAT reason. We have the BEST reason: to save the world from total destruction. |
w: Hmmm... That's a pretty good reason, but I wouldn't say it's the best. |
a: Friend, let me ask you something: if you had the chance to save mankind from annihilation... |
a: And you didn't do it, what would that make you? |
w: Mmm. Well, I guess that would make me kinda, sorta... an asshole. |
a: You're absolutely right. So when I ask you, friend, do you want to be a hero, be darn sure to say yes, because if you don't... |
a: Right! And nobody likes assholes. |
w: Especially the families of the people who I killed by being one! |
a: Enough laughter. It is derailing my thought train. |
a: I wish to be clear on this issue: World Corporation's goals are purely in the best interest of the human race. |
a: As you mentioned earlier, just because something has worked in the past doesn't mean it will continue to work. |
a: So we cannot afford to be constrained by any nagging sensation we have in our heads that overthrowing the government is bad. |
w: Hmm... I guess you're right. Thinking that is a conditioned response! |
a: And that's not healthy. |
a: As ancient Zen teacher says, you must empty the cup first before you fill it. |
w: And that means destroying the government. |
a: Not DESTROYING, really... just getting it out of the way for the time being. |
w: So will we ever get to destroy anything? |
a: Don't worry, friend, we'll put it back together again later. See, the government is like a 10 million piece quantum jigsaw puzzle. |
w: Quantum... what? Tell me more! |
a: Did you know, friend, that according to quantum physics, you can cut up the entire earth in such a way that the whole planet will fit comfortably in your coat pocket? |
w: Wow! That's amazing! Where was this study conducted? |
a: Let's not get ahead of ourselves, friend. So anyway, world governments are like the quantum jigsaw puzzle: all the pieces are there, but they're all in the wrong place. |
w: Which minimizes efficiency. |
a: Or to put it another way: it maximizes INEFFICIENCY! |
a: The world needs a shake up. This stuff needs to go there, and that stuff needs to go here, we need to burn this guy, imprison that guy, and so on. |
w: I think I'm starting to understand. |
w: But who has the authority to do all that stuff? |
a: Friend, have you ever heard of Mahatma Gandhi? |
w: Isn't he the guy who got arrested for climbing up that stage prop during the MTV Music Awards? |
a: It is tantamount that you read up on your history before we embark on this project. |
w: Okay. So who is Mahatma Gandhi? |
a: He was a great leader from India. His country was being occupied by the British, and their cruelty against the Indian people was severe. |
a: He showed the British that it was in everyone's best interest that they leave India forever. |
a: Well, he demonstrated that the current way of doing things was ultimately damaging to everyone involved. |
w: Wow, that makes so much sense. |
a: Do you know what else? He did it without spilling a single drop of blood. |
w: Weird, when I say stuff like that, nobody listens. Why did anyone listen to him? |
a: Because he was a normal person. |
w: Oh, I get it. So all we need to do is get some normal people to subscribe to our movement, and it will snowball from there. |
a: Right, but convincing people about it isn't easy. |
a: Remember what I told you earlier about how you get people to do things? |
w: Yeah, hit them where it counts... in the pocketbook! |
a: Right, the first thing you have to do is convince people that World Corporation will save them money. |
w: But what about security? What about safety? What about freedom from starvation? Don't people care about these things? |
a: Yes, but money is more important to most people than their health and security. |
w: That seems sort of messed up. Why do we want to save those people? |
a: We don't really. But as soon as we've used them in achieving our goal, they can be discarded. |
a: Is it wrong to neutralize threats to greater security and world peace? |
w: Well, when you put it that way... |
w: But still, they're people, aren't they? |
a: Friend, we must overcome our limited and conditioned thinking. We must break free from the shackles of our past mental patterns. |
w: All I was saying is that we shouldn't hurt people. |
a: Suppose it is 1940 and I have a loaded shotgun pointed at Adolf Hitler's head, ready to blow his brains out. |
w: But according to Lyndon LaRouche, killing is wrong. |
a: Think for a moment. If I kill this one man, and I'm being generous considering him human at all, I can save the lives of 6 million Jews. Is it still wrong? |
w: Gee, now I'm not so sure. Maybe I should call my secular humanist friend to ask what he thinks. |
a: So you see, our conditioned thinking patterns cause us to come to premature decisions that may not be appropriate for our end goals. |
w: Whew, you saved me from making a hypothetical mistake again, Alvin! |
a: And you know what? Once we get this World Corporation thing off the ground, no one will ever make a mistake again! |
a: Yes, by having every single personal decision ever made pass through a myriad of ad hoc committees and closed-door ethical hearings, we can prevent those who want to create destruction from causing actual damage. |
w: Cool! World Corporation will take all the guesswork out of making decisions. |
a: Exactly. And people will voluntarily submit to it because people will want to do the right thing, and they know that World Corporation will always make the right decisions for them. |
w: But that won't even be an issue, because not submitting to World Corporation will be impossible since World Corp will control the world's resources and those who have rejected it will find it difficult to gain necessary sustenance. |
w: So... I guess once World Corporation is in power, nobody will be able to impede them in their unstoppable crusade for peace. |
a: Yeah, but then no one would want to, right? Everyone's happy because World Corporation will make them immensely wealthy, and all they have to do is trade political power, which they don't use anyway. |
w: But there's one thing I don't understand... |
w: How would anybody get rich in the first place? |
a: Massive profits from the World Corporation paid out as dividends to shareholders. World leaders will have a financial incentive to act in the best interest of the company, or get ousted by the board! |
w: But the corporation doesn't actually make any products or offer any services. |
a: But you see, it offers something much more valuable than material goods: peace and freedom! Plus, it employs everyone on earth, so everyone has a vested interest in making the plan work. |
w: How does the Corporation make any money? |
a: Everyone pays taxes to World Corporation and they use the taxes to pay the staff salaries of everyone working for it, as well as company dividends. The leftover monies are used in sustaining the daily operations of the world. |
w: But it seems like many governments are operating with massive budget deficits. How can we avoid that? |
a: We're different because our taxes get distributed back to everyone. |
w: So taxes go to everyone, not just the fat cats in the catbird seat? |
a: That's right! No more money wasted on Cuban cigars and $500 screwdrivers! World leaders would be accountable to the corporate board, and six billion minority shareholders. |
w: So basically, World Corp would cut funding for pointless government services so that the money can get paid back out to citizens in the form of dividends. |
a: We will all be rich. Nobody can lose! |
w: But wait! Won't the majority shareholders get the most dividends? |
a: Well, yes, that's how it works. |
w: The majority shareholders being the leaders of the former single-country governments who will get bought out with the promise of highly profitable shares of World Corporation? |
a: Yes, that is an initial compromise that we must make, or else they will not agree to join us. |
w: So World Corporation basically functions as a means to redistribute wealth from the general populace and concentrate it in the hands of a few powerful individuals? |
a: Yes, but those people are held accountable to any number of ad hoc committees... |
w: So with World Corp, we would pay less in taxes and get more services in return? |
w: So what happens to our American tax codes and government? |
a: Well, the American government and tax system will be defunct once World Corporation takes over. |
w: Whoa, that sounds sorta sketchy, Alvin. Aren't you afraid of what might happen if World Corp fails? |
a: No, not at all, because it CAN'T fail. And remember what I told you about not being constrained by your limited thinking. |
w: Oh yeah, sorry. I keep forgetting. So the taxes we pay go to pay our collective salaries? How does that work? |
a: Ha ha! You have much to learn about finances. It takes money to make money. It's the money generation engine that powers the universe. |
w: With all this wealth, surely we would at least get free portable music players, right? Otherwise, it's going to be a tough sell. |
a: You must be joking. Will it really take such trivialities to convince you that this is in your best interest? |
w: Ha ha! I'm just kidding you, Alvin. I sincerely believe that the World Corporation has all the answers. |
a: Anyway--you're forgetting about World Corporation's biggest product! PEACE. But you might be right; we will have to make other attractive offers to get them hooked on the idea first. |
w: Maybe appealing to people's base sense of greed is the only way that world peace can be attained. |
a: So are you ready to join me in my quest? |
w: I'm convinced. Where can I get more information? |
w: Wow, there's all sorts of articles here, even instructions for immortality? |
a: Yes, friend. With immortality rings, you can survive to see the new utopia wrought by the world government you helped create. |
w: But... Immortality? That sounds far-fetched. |
PART II
w: Hi, Alvin. I've been living, eating, breathing, sleeping World Corporation. |
a: Excellent, friend. What groundwork have you laid? |
w: Well, honestly, I haven't been able to do much. It's June now, and tax day isn't until next April. And since not paying taxes is the first step... |
a: Friend, you should have come to me earlier. There are many steps you can take to usher in new world consciousness hyperreality right now! |
a: Yes! First of all, get your friends in on the action. Get them to... |
w: Well, actually, Alvin... |
a: You don't have friends? |
w: No, no, of course I do. It's just that when I tell them about you and your plan... |
a: They think I'm crazy, right? |
w: Well... yeah. I mean, it's not that they're... |
a: I understand, friend. It wouldn't be the first time people thought I was a crazy schizophrenic nut. But you see, most of the time when people think such thoughts about others, the reality is that they're constrained by their own limited thinking abilities. |
a: Yes, it's true. Some silly billies out there want to push the world in the direction only of ideas they already know and are familiar with. |
w: What's wrong with that? |
a: Well, if all you know is a world of limited thinking, devoid of a labyrinthine network of ad hoc decision-making committees and vigilant shareholders who legislate morality through an intricate web of corporate accountability... well, you're pretty much stuck in 1st gear, aren't you? |
w: Yeah, you're probably right. |
a: In fact, I don't think those people are your real friends. |
w: Hmmm. Hey, you're right! Next time I see Martin, I'm gonna slap him in the face. |
a: No, no. Save your violent outbursts for operations that benefit World Corp. |
w: Oh yeah, I should have thought of that. Maybe I'm stuck in limited thought patterns myself. But why should Martin get saved once World Corp kicks in? He made fun of it-- and you-- when we're just getting started and need help most. |
a: Oh, this Martin fellow will get his just desserts in time, but we won't need to worry about that right now. Right now, we should be focusing on recruiting new members to the organization. |
a: Here is a stack of coupons for 25 cents off dryer sheets. Go stand in front of Von's for a while and pass them out. |
w: What are you going to do? |
a: I can't administer a multinational corporation just hanging out on the street talking to bums. |
w: Wait, so you want me to help by passing out coupons? |
a: Do you want to be a hero or not? |
PART III
a: How was the day at the grocery store? |
w: In the beginning, people didn't really want to hear what I had to say. |
a: What were you trying to tell them? |
w: Well, at first I was trying to talk to people about a revolutionary new quasi-government establishment that attempts to create world-wide fraternity through theories of free-market economics... |
a: Hmm, you were probably being too blunt with our goals... |
w: But you weren't you telling me about how Gandhi did the same thing with the British? |
a: Yes, but that was the British. Americans are comparatively arrogant, and often harbor feelings of intellectual superiority to those who question their political sacred cows. |
w: Oh. Well, anyway, I figured out how to get their attention. |
w: I knew from talking to you that I had to get their attention by appealing to their greed. I found out after a while that I should just scream out that I had coupons for 25 cents off Downy. |
w: I made people listen to what I had to say before I would give them the coupon. |
w: Once I started talking, people couldn't stop listening. Pretty soon a large crowd gathered around. |
w: Probably around 300 people or so. |
a: Wow! If what you say is true, I will make you World Corp. Minister of Communications and Propaganda! |
w: I got all those people to sign pledges and oaths of allegiance to World Corporation, and I impelled each one of them to recruit 25 more people. |
a: It won't be long before every government on earth will have to answer to World Corporation! |
PART IV
a: So what is the latest count for World Corporation membership? |
a: Is anyone famous included in that number? |
w: Does David Berkowitz count? |
a: Anyone like George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, or award-winning actress Angelina Jolie? |
w: No, but Screen Actor's Guild member Hilary Duff has pledged to join. |
a: Excellent. A good way to get publicity is to exploit the attention that celebrities already get. But you should pay more attention to recruiting politicians and bloggers. They are the ones who will define the future. |
w: What about children? They say that children are the future. |
a: People are like dolphins. They will repeat exactly what they hear. Children are not the future; the future is dictated by policians and corporate stockholders. This has always been true. |
w: You are so enwizened, Alvin. With you at the helm, we cannot but succeed in our goals for World Corporation! |
a: This may be true, friend, but remember that we cannot get cocky about singlehandedly saving humanity from total devastation. |
w: You are right, we must remain modest in our sacred quest. Tomorrow, I will mail out Oath of Allegiance papers to every politician in the land. |
a: Don't forget to send them to the heads of other countries, like Japan, France, and Saudi Arabia. |
w: Oh, I won't. In fact, I've already drafted polite but firm letters to various world leaders, monarchs, dictators, and regional warlords demanding that they join us. |
a: Good, I hope that we hear back from them soon. |
a: By the way, how do our coffers look? |
w: Excellent. According to my count, we have over 3 trillion dollars in liquid assets. |
w: If you include the net value of every member of World Corp. and all our subsidiary agencies. |
a: Subsidiary...? Friend, I'm confused... you never spoke to me about this. |
w: Relax, Alvin. The money is rolling in, and soon, we'll be living in a paradise on earth. Reality is becoming everything you told me about! |
PART V
w: I've gotten 147 nations to pledge allegiance to the World Corporation! |
w: Exactly how you told me to do it: by convincing them that it was the right thing to do. |
w: Well, I also had to threaten that the stability of their respective nations would be in danger should they choose to ignore our message. |
a: You shouldn't threaten people, friend. |
w: No, no, I was just telling them that, you know, violent coups have been known to occur. |
a: Coups? Now friend, this is not the... |
w: Alvin, we have over 4 billion signed and chartered members now. That's 2 out of every 3 people. And they are fiercely devoted to the cause of the World Corporation. |
w: So that means that our men in Afghanistan and Iraq and Iran can effect a hostile takeover if our demands are not met. |
a: I must warn you, friend, that the Middle East is a highly unstable region of... |
w: Don't be limited by your preconditioned thought patterns, Alvin. |
a: (To self) I must stop him before he perverts World Corporation Forever Peace Industries into Death and Destruction, Inc! |
a: William, have I ever told you about Peak Oil? |
w: No, master Alvin. Enlighten me. |
a: Production of oil will hit its apex in July, 2030. From then on, society will progressively collapse when supply fails to meet demand. |
w: Calamity! This threatens to undermine all our work! What can be done to stop this? |
a: You must suppress these violent factions you have created, for it is the threat of violence, not its action, that moves society towards progress. |
w: I see... Then I must issue a fatwa against low-efficiency vehicles and fossil fuel beasts of burden instead of toppling already unstable governments. |
a: Yes, friend, now you're getting it. |
w: And then, after we have created self-sustaining and renewable energy sources, we will purge the world of infidels! |
a: And you'll need my help. |
a: You see, I've been working on a Free Energy Machine just for this purpose! |
w: Free energy? Doesn't that violate the second law of... |
a: No, friend. Think about magnets. Where does the power of magnets come from? It comes from nowhere. They have attractive forces that never exhaust. |
w: Hey, you're right. I think mainstream scientists have overlooked that. |
a: Yes, I agree. Come to the basement I live in. I have something to show you. |
a: It's something I've been working on that will change the world. |
a: Behold, the ANTI-WHEEL! |
(due to licensing restrictions, the anti-wheel cannot be shown or described in any identifying way.) |
w: This is the promised super-unity device? |
a: Believe it, friend. This is generating all the heat in this basement. |
w: Can I... Can I touch it? |
a: Careful, friend. This marvel of engineering shoots off 500 million gigawatts of electricity at any given second. |
w: That sounds like a lot. |
a: It sure is. Why, it's enough to power all of Wyoming, one of America's least populous states, for 2 to 3 minutes. |
w: Wow! That's a lot of electricity. |
a: It sure is. And we'll need a place to store it for after the collapse of current geopolitical structures. Do you have room at your place? |
w: Actually... I was so busy preparing ultimatums to foreign leaders that I forgot to earn money, and I got evicted. |
a: Evicted? Then where have you been sleeping? |
w: On that green faux-leather loveseat in the reception area. It's not the most comfortable place, but... |
a: Hm. Y'know-- er... I don't... Right. It's not all sticky and sweaty, is it? I mean-- that's where the investors... |
w: No, I wipe it off every, er, now and then. |
a: Uh, alright... I guess... |
w: It's alright, no worries, yeah? |
a: Anyway, like I was saying, we'll need some sort of energy hive in which to... we'll, need to store the energy in a... um... Hey, when you wipe it, do you use Lysol? There are microbes... |
w: Hey, I know! Maybe we can store the energy in the Grand Canyon! It's a huge expanse of space. |
a: Great idea, that would be perfect. Can you bring it here? |
a: And, uh... While you're out, can you get me some Lysol? Also, maybe a six pack of Nat. Light, and a pack of Gauloises? |
w: I don't know if all this stuff's gonna fit in my trunk. |
a: Just put them in the Grand Canyon, silly! |
w: Oh yeah! HA! Why didn't I think of that? |
BOTH: Preconditioned thought patterns! Hhahahahahaha! |
PART VI
a: Now that the World Corporation has been installed, we can finally relax, and bask in the warm glow of eternal peace. |
a: Can you pass the Fritos brand chili cheese corn chips, please? |
THE END
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following cartoons are intros to parts [x] and [x+1] (lost ledgers material) |
a: So, you've read over the literature? |
w: Yes, it's quite awe-inspiring. But it's so hard to picture myself as an immortal. |
a: Well, friend, I have a story for you... |
Bartholomew hobbess .etc... |
w: That's all well and good as a fairy tale, but I want to know about the future! |
a: Haven't you read the Super I-Ching? That's all about the future... |
w: No I mean the future described as pithy and entertaining news articles... |
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